March 12th, 2008

Scranton Times Letter to the Editor, 02/12/2008

Torture Cell

Editor: I have a great tip for some smokers who are having a hard time giving up the weed. Maybe you’re tired of the smelly clothes and car, the sore throats, the morning hacking and wheezing, loss of appetite, shortness of breath, tobacco breath, etc., but you just can’t stand not being able to annoy people anymore. Here’s your answer — buy a cell phone.

You can annoy far more people in far more places without impairing their health or yours. They are allowed in far more places than cigarettes, and even if they’re not allowed, “so what!” And if you don’t want to give up the thrill of flirting with death with each coffin nail you stick in your mouth, not to worry. Use the cell phone while you’re driving. And, just like with the smokes, you might take a few people with you.

The cell phone is just about the same size as a pack of cigarettes, and you can “light it up” anywhere you like: church, the courtroom, restaurant, movie theater, bus seat, plane seat. You get the idea.

Why, just the other night while I enjoyed a fabulous Northeastern Pennsylvania Philharmonic Motown concert at the Scranton Cultural Center in the big-bucks seats, a woman several seats away was, during half the concert, text messaging. In a dark theater, to those around her, that little light became an annoying beacon. She, oh so sweetly, shushed the man who told her to turn the phone off and leave it off. So chuck the butts and “sprint” on down to grab the latest model of this LSMFT — legal safe means for torture. LOL, cu.



Sadly, I have recently — and against my will — joined the ranks of the be-cell-phoned. Work requirement. :::sigh:::

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