joke.art

September 4th, 2005

Rightwing film geek

A priest, a father and mother, their two sons, three daughters, two altar boys and dog walk into a talent agency. The father says to the talent agent, “We got an amazing family act.”
The agent says, “OK, show me what you got.”
The priest puts on his vestments and takes the two altar boys offstage. He hands one altar boy a processional crucifix, and the other altar boy a thurible with the incense already burning. The family take positions in the center of the stage. The priest and altar boys march onstage and proceed to this makeshift altar at the back of the stage. The priest tells the family to call to mind their sins and they say a Latin Confeitor, followed by a sung Kyrie and Gloria with a choir brought in just at the right moment. The father then walks up to a podium stage right and reads from the Old Testament. Then the mother goes up to the podium and reads from one of the Epistles. Then the priest goes there and reads from the Gospel. He then gives a 5-minute homily that has the whole family in tears. Then they all say the Nicene Creed in perfect unison … even the two-year-old. Then they pray for world peace. The altar boys then cleanse the altar with the incense, and father and the mother bring bread and wine to the altar and the priest blesses the gifts and prays over them. God then changes their substance to the Body and Blood of Christ. They say a Latin Sanctus, a chanted Lord’s Prayer (without holding hands) and a Latin Agnus Dei, all in perfect unison with the choir. Then the whole family walks backstage, kneels at the communion rail and all take Communion on the mouth, except the 2-year-old, whom the priest blesses for having been silent throughout. The priest bids farewell, with “ite, Missa est” and marches offstage in procession with the altar boys while the family kneels in reverent prayer.
And the clincher — it’s all celebrated ad orientem.

The agent says “wow, that’s a hell of an act. What’s it called?”

“The aristocrats.”

Courtesy of Mr. Benedetti.

I so want to tell this joke to my mother — and am terrified that either 1) I would have to explain it or 2) she would understand it already.

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