May 31st, 2003

SUGAR, János

Time Patrol

On Moszkva tér, everybody who can dictate uninterruptedly
by heart for 10 minutes to a typist in a caravan receives 4.000 forints.

The texts are transcribed and published in a paper, entitled Time Patrol,
which can be purchased exclusively at the newsagent’s on Moszkva
tér for 400 forints.

My aim is to produce a documentary whose future value
is incalculable —exactly because it does not seem to be of any significance
in the present. What we wouldn’t give for an accurate transcription
of a random conversation that took place in a mail-coach at the beginning
of the 19th century!

As the result of technological developments, the private
sphere has become constantly sacrificed; the price of effective communication,
collaboration and co-ordination is that we can less and less make certain
that nobody has access to our privacy and our secrets. On the level of
possibilities, anything (post, phone, e-mail, credit cards, etc.) can
be controlled (spy satellites, surveillance cameras, face recognition
systems, automatic search and filter software on the internet, etc.),
so because of all this, in our everyday communication, it is easier to
assume that we are constantly in public.

János Sugár, lives and works in

I remember János from my time in BP: he was at a couple of events where I read my “poetry,” he was the inter-media instructor of a number of acquaintances, and he was around at places I was around.

The Ludwig Museum is in the
old Castle/Palace. Slighly odd for my (mid)Western-American eyes to see contemporary art in a building that had 900-year-old foundations. But that’s the point, isn’t it. We’ve all got 90,000 year-old foundations if not more…..

May 20th, 2003

Performance Artist Jokes

A Performance Artist walks into a bar, and the bartender stares at him.
“You know,” says the bartender, “we’ve got a drink named after you.”
“Really?” says the Performance Artist. “You’ve got a drink named Harold?”

A Performance Artist walks into a bar and says “is the bar tender here?”

Three Performance Artists are walking along a street. Two of them walk into a bar.
The third one ducks.

A Performance Artists walked into a bar. “Ouch!” he said.

Q: In a Performance Artist, what is cleanliness next to?
A: Impossible.

Q: If you throw a Performance Artist in the water, what does he become?
A: Wet.

Q: What happened when the Performance Artist fell into the copier?
A: She was beside herself.

Police arrested two Performance Artists yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

Q: How do Performance Artists turn on the lights?
A: They open the car door.

Two Performance Artists were sitting on the floor…. One fell off.

Q: When is a Performance Artist NOT a Performance Artist?
A: When it’s ajar.

Q: Why did the Performance Artist bring a ladder to the art gallery?
A: He wanted to see some High Art

A Performance Artist walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves her a beer. When she’s finished the bartender asks, “Would you like another?”
The Performance Artist answers, “No, I think not.” At which point she abruptly disappears.

A Performance Artist tried to sell his old car, but he was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, he told his problem to an actor he worked with. The actor told him, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”

“That doesn’t matter,” replied the Performance Artist, “if I only can sell the car.”

“Okay,” said the actor. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”

The following weekend, the Performance Artist made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the actor asked the Performance Artist, “Did you sell your car?”

“No,” replied the Performance Artist, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”

Q: Why did the Performance Artist stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said ‘concentrate’.

Q: What did the Performance Artist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

Q: How do Performance Artists go through the forest?
A: They take the psychopath.

See MORE! at the Performance Artists Jokes page.

Please submit your own Performance Artist jokes for inclusion.

May 18th, 2003

No, I have seen “The Matrix: Re-Loaded,” yet; but, yes, I did see “X2-whatever the stupid sequel title is”.

and by now you’ve probably figured that my review of same is not exhiliratingly laudatory….

May 16th, 2003

for those of you recently subjected to my “umbrella-cam” machinations, please be assured that your
(embarassing) photos will be appearing shortly. Yes, shortly.

Please, God–shortly.

May 16th, 2003

We still went to NYC yesterday, even tho’ I found that the Guggenheim is closed on
Thursdays! We parked in the Trump Plaza Hotel and walked thru Central Park
to the Met. They closed at 5:30, and we walked (fearing rain) over to
Yorkville where I was unsuccesful in selling V. on the wonders on Magyar
cuisine at the Mocca; we went across the street to Flannagan’s Ale House &
had Irish beer and good burgers. Thence to buy an umbrella (in miniscule
showers that then promptly evaporated) and walk through the not-so-dangerous-as-an-unnamed-someone-feared Central Park back to the car park where we (_I_) shelled out $40 for parking
($32 + $8 tip) and drove home.

a nice day.

May 11th, 2003

Finite Number of Monkeys On a Finite Number of Typewriters In a Finite Amount of Time Fail to Produce Shakespeare

Well, duh!

A bizarre experiment by a group of students has found monkeys cannot write Shakespeare.
Lecturers and students from the University of Plymouth wanted to test the claim that an infinite number of monkeys given typewriters would create the works of The Bard.
A single computer was placed in a monkey enclosure at Paignton Zoo to monitor the literary output of six primates.
But after a month, the Sulawesi crested macaques had only succeeded in partially destroying the machine, using it as a lavatory, and mostly typing the letter “s”.
The project, by students from the university’s MediaLab Arts course, received ?2,000 from the Arts Council.

Director of the university’s Institute of Digital Arts and Technology (i-DAT), Mike Phillips, denied the project was a disaster and said they had learned “an awful lot”.
He also denied it had been a waste of money.
He said the ?2,000 was spent on purchasing the hardware to set up a radio link so the activities in the enclosure could be watched live on a website.
“Compared to the cost of reality TV, this was a tiny pinch of money,” he said.
“It provided very stimulating and fascinating viewing.”

The six monkeys – Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan – produced five pages of text which consisted mainly of the letter “s”.

Book published

But towards the end of the experiment, their output slightly improved, with the letters A, J, L and M also appearing.
However, they failed to come up with anything that remotely resembled a word.

Paignton Zoo scientific officer Dr Amy Plowman said: “The work was interesting but had little scientific value, except to show that the ‘infinite monkey’ theory is flawed.”

The results of the experiment formed part of a larger project developed by i-DAT.
They have been published in a limited edition book entitled Notes Towards The Complete Works of Shakespeare.

Methinks Dr. Plowman has a very dubious grasp of science if she believes this “experiment” showed any theory to be flawed. It was more of a performance than anything else. Please peruse the animated discussion over at Boing-Boing , where I was alerted to these Shakespeare-manquee monkeys.

See MORE! at the Infinite Number of Monkeys page.

May 7th, 2003

Why I live in NEPA

Lomma Minitaure Golf golf course constuction

It took two entrepreneurs from Scranton, Pennsylvania to breathe fresh life into this once dynamic industry. Ralph and Al Lomma, brothers, opened their first miniature golf course in Scranton in the early 1950’s. The immense popularity of their local course caused them to open several others. By 1955 Lomma Minature Golf was in the business of selling miniature golf courses to the general public. One of the brothers, Al, toyed with the motors, gears, belts, and moving parts which could block the path of a well-struck putt. These obstacles proved to be the secret of the immense success attained by the Lommas.

As the oldest and largest manufacturers of miniature golf courses in the world, with over 4,000 courses sold worldwide, Ralph Lomma , and his late brother Al, are credited as being the “fathers of modern-day miniature golf”. Just one of the Lomma’s inventions was the placing of a clown’s face at the end of the game… Where the lucky customer could win a free game by hitting the clowns nose. This last shot also served as the owners’ control, as the balls were locked inside the obstacle and the balls played were electronically counted.

May 4th, 2003

Cirque Du Soleil: pseudo-language

The dialogue may sound like French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese — whatever Romance language you happen not to know — but the performers are actually speaking a form of nonsense that they call Cirquish. Mr. Tchijov, Dr. Wilson learned, would go onstage and practice his gibberish for an hour before each show. And the flavor of Cirquish changed from act to act. In the pseudo-ballad “Kumbalaw?,” the first song in “Saltimbanco,” the audience expects to hear a real foreign language, so that’s what it sounds like. (The first line is: “Kumbalawé, kumbalawé mana.”) “Kaze,” another “Saltimbanco” song, is based on a scale associated with Chinese music, so its Cirquish lyrics sound Chinese.

May 3rd, 2003

Rob’s Amazing Poem Generator: different poem each time based on a website.

One result:

Umbrella hats embalzoned with the appropriate flag.
Guess neither of
them from GagWorks. online has
heard of YOU are
the Patriotic USA and Those hats ROCK!, along
with the famed quality original,
TM Umbrella hat. Let us that
mostly sell the CH
Our favorite chapeau made an umbrella Hat you can buy them has
some reason, muggers steer
clear of novelty hats Only
the NOAA weather
service points out not , be
fooled by wearing
umbrella Hat.

In other words, Umbrella Hats are Poetry.

May 3rd, 2003

Some Idiot Left My Lights On

well, don't look at me. I didn't turn them off.

I was having a good day despite the rain, made it to the Everhart Museum to help out with the “Happy Hour/Party in the Park” celebrating the “Miles of Mules” project, it didn’t rain all night, I didn’t actually have to do much work, I got another Umbrella Hat photo (I could have gotten more, but I just didn’t feel like lugging the bag around). And then the stupid car wouldn’t start. Fortunately, my Umbrella Hat participant was still there and happy to oblige. In my favor, I’d like to point out that I always carry jumper cables. Of course, that may point something else out, as well….

May 2nd, 2003

unusual search to find th’ blog:

what bored x-ray techs do

And not the first time they’ve looked for this, either.

For the record, I’ve never conciously operated an x-radiographic device. But, if the techs are bored enough, they might not be
conciously operating them, either.

May 2nd, 2003

Googlism for: umbrella hat

umbrella hat is adjustable and folds compact so you can take it almost anywhere
umbrella hat is only $4
umbrella hat is my one creation i’m proud of
umbrella hat is a welcome relief
umbrella hat is a travelogue shirt followed by plaid bermuda shorts and finished up with falling down old socks and battered shoes
umbrella hat is back

May 2nd, 2003

amazing text
pseudo-linear reverse transcriptease textualities; in other words, one of my experimental writing experiments.

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