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;
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]
some (ahem) "poems"
assembled from mysterious
bits of text
found in junk mail
received on my AOL account
(CLICK THE CLICKS)

1. In order to paint a large canvas, buy large brushes. Many of them, because you need clean brushes to smooth the line where the different colors meet. Only Oil on Canvas is allowed. Never mix the colors with anything else than linseed oil.

2. Use a projector to display the picture you want to paint on the canvas. If you know how to draw, do not make paintings: make Flash Animations or design Fashion instead.

3. Abstract paintings are prohibited unless you invent a "automatic system" similar to the ones that Jackson Pollock and Lucio Fontana were using. Anybody can still use today their systems and succesfully produce Fontanas and Pollocks. Abstract Art is interesting only when it comes from a machine or from a person who emulates a machine.

4. Use the most expensive material, so you will feel the urgency to make something valuable in order to get your expenses back.

5. Composition, colors and size of the painting, should be copied from other paintings in the Museums.

6. Deal with the brush stroke as if you were a hairdresser.

7. Use assistants, but only the ones without any experience and any interest in painting. Ask them to deal with your canvas as if they are painting a wall in their apartment: without any passion. Command the assistants to use the wrong color in order to feel the necessity of taking over from them and save the work.

8. Paint many pictures at the same time and let the layers dry. A picture may take many years until it will be finished. If people want to buy it before it is finished, just sell it to them and continue the painting later, on the wall of the collector.

9. The most important instruction: try to discover and represent, something that has never been painted before. If you find such a subject, whichever manner you may use to paint it, will produce a masterpiece.

10. Make copies of your most important paintings. All important painters of the past were doing so and that's why their work has survived today.

thelist-request@bumplist.net

To: <xraysmalevich@hotmail.com>

Sent: Monday, June 02, 2003 8:08 PM

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