The complete and up-to-date list of all the randomly-selected headers:

     _                        _               _____         _
    / \   _ __ ___   __ _ ___(_)_ __   __ _  |_   _|____  _| |_
   / _ \ | '_ ` _ \ / _` |_  / | '_ \ / _` |   | |/ _ \ \/ / __|
  / ___ \| | | | | | (_| |/ /| | | | | (_| |   | |  __/>  <| |_
 /_/   \_\_| |_| |_|\__,_/___|_|_| |_|\__, |   |_|\___/_/\_\\__|
 All the news that's fit to print.    |___/

  eeeee eeeeeee eeeee eeeee e  eeeee eeeee   eeeee eeee e    e eeeee
  8   8 8  8  8 8   8 "   8 8  8   8 8   8     8   8    8    8   8
  8eee8 8e 8  8 8eee8 eeee8 8e 8e  8 8e        8e  8eee eeeeee   8e
  88  8 88 8  8 88  8 88    88 88  8 88 "8     88  88   88   8   88
  88  8 88 8  8 88  8 88ee8 88 88  8 88ee8     88  88ee 88   8   88

                                   "Open the pod-bay doors, Hal."

                                                             __      __
 ___   _ _     _ _   ___ ___ ___     _ _     _ ___    ___ ___\ \    / /___
| | | / | \   / | \ | | |_  |_  |   / | \   / |  _|  |_  |_  |\ \  / /|_  |
|_  |/ / \ \ / / \ \|_  |  _|_| |_ / / \ \ / /| . |    | |_  | > >< <   | |
  |_|_/   \_|_/   \_| |_|___|_____|_/   \_|_/ |___|    |_|___|/ /  \ \  |_|
                                                             /_/    \_\
     whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent.

   ___                  _             ______        __
  / _ | __ _  ___ ____ (_)__  ___ _  /_  __/____ __/ /_ Given
 / __ |/  ' \/ _ `/_ // / _ \/ _ `/   / / / -_) \ / __/ 1) the waterfall
/_/ |_/_/_/_/\_,_//__/_/_//_/\_, /   /_/  \__/_\_\\__/  2) the illuminating gas
                            /___/

                            _               _            _
   __ _ _ __ ___   __ _ ___(_)_ __   __ _  | |_ _____  _| |_
  / _` | '_ ` _ \ / _` |_  / | '_ \ / _` | | __/ _ \ \/ / __|
 | (_| | | | | | | (_| |/ /| | | | | (_| | | ||  __/>  <| |_
  \__,_|_| |_| |_|\__,_/___|_|_| |_|\__, |  \__\___/_/\_\\__|
             i have nothing to say  |___/ and i am saying it.

        _            _               _
      _| |_  _____ _| |  _ __   __ _(_)___ _ __   ___ __ _ _ __
     |__ \ \/ / _ \__ | | '_ \ / _` | \  _| '_ \ / _ ' _` | '_ \
      _| |>  <\__  || | | |_) | | | | |\ \| |_) | | | | | | |_) |
     |__//_/\_\___/__/  | .__/|_| |_|_|___\_.__/|_| |_| |_|_.__/
                         \___|
                                right shoe, hearthrug, by the fender.

 ______     __    __     ______     ______     __     __   __     ______
/\  __ \   /\ "-./  \   /\  __ \   /\___  \   /\ \   /\ "-.\ \   /\  ___\
\ \  __ \  \ \ \-./\ \  \ \  __ \  \/_/  /__  \ \ \  \ \ \-.  \  \ \ \__ \
 \ \_\ \_\  \ \_\ \ \_\  \ \_\ \_\   /\_____\  \ \_\  \ \_\\"\_\  \ \_____\
  \/_/\/_/_  \/_/__\/_/  _\/_/\/_/  _\/_____/   \/_/   \/_/ \/_/   \/_____/
    /\__  _\ /\  ___\   /\_\_\_\   /\__  _\  PSEUDO-LINEAR REVERSE
    \/_/\ \/ \ \  __\   \/_/\_\/_  \/_/\ \/  TRANSCRIPTEASE TEXTUALITIES:
       \ \_\  \ \_____\   /\_\/\_\    \ \_\  a compendium of lang-wedges,
        \/_/   \/_____/   \/_/\/_/     \/_/  mostly appropriated

 ____    ____    __  ____    ______  ____  ____   _  ______    __    ______  __ __   __
|    \  |    \  /  ||    \  |___   ||    ||    \ | ||   ___| _|  |_ |   ___| \ ` / _|  |_
|     \ |     \/   ||     \  .-`.-` |    ||     \| ||   |  ||_    _||   ___| /   \|_    _|
|__|\__\|__/\__/|__||__|\__\|______||____||__/\____||______|  |__|  |______|/__/\_\ |__|

_______                       _____                    ________           _____
___    |______ _________ ________(_)_____________ _    ___  __/________  ___  /_
__  /| |_  __ `__ \  __ `/__  /_  /__  __ \_  __ `/    __  /  _  _ \_  |/_/  __/
_  ___ |  / / / / / /_/ /__  /_  / _  / / /  /_/ /     _  /   /  __/_>  < / /_
/_/  |_/_/ /_/ /_/\__,_/ _____/_/  /_/ /_/_\__, /      /_/    \___//_/|_| \__/
 these words were built for speeding....  /____/ that's what they're gonna do...

                                                             __                   __
                                      __                    /\ \__               /\ \__
   __      ___ ___      __     ____  /\_\    ___      __    \ \ ,_\    __   __  _\ \ ,_\
 /'__`\  /' __` __`\  /'__`\  /\_ ,`\\/\ \ /' _ `\  /'_ `\   \ \ \/  /'__`\/\ \/'\\ \ \/
/\ \L\.\_/\ \/\ \/\ \/\ \L\.\_\/_/  /_\ \ \/\ \/\ \/\ \L\ \   \ \ \_/\  __/\/>  <' \ \ \_
\ \__/.\_\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \__/.\_\ /\____\\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \____ \   \ \__\ \____\/\_/\_\ \ \__\
 \/__/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/_/\/__/\/_/ \/____/ \/_/\/_/\/_/\/___L\ \   \/__/\/____/\//\/_/  \/__/
                                                      /\____/
                                                      \_/__/

                               _                   _               _
  __ _  _ __ ___    __ _  ____(_) _ __    __ _    | |_  ___ __  __| |_
 / _` || '_ ` _ \  / _` ||_  /| || '_ \  / _` |   | __|/ _ \\ \/ /| __|
| (_| || | | | | || (_| | / / | || | | || (_| |   | |_|  __/ >  < | |_
 \__,_||_| |_| |_| \__,_|/___||_||_| |_| \__, |    \__|\___|/_/\_\ \__|
                                         |___/      4/\/\421/\/6 73><7

   ##   #    #   ##   ###### # #    #  ####     ##### ###### #    # #####
  #  #  ##  ##  #  #      #  # ##   # #    #      #   #       #  #    #
 #    # # ## # #    #    #   # # #  # #           #   #####    ##     #
 ###### #    # ######   #    # #  # # #  ###      #   #        ##     #
 #    # #    # #    #  #     # #   ## #    #      #   #       #  #    #
 #    # #    # #    # ###### # #    #  ####       #   ###### #    #   #
   from the same author that brought you "Remembrance of Things Past."

                           _               _            _
                          (_)             | |          | |
  __ _ _ __ ___   __ _ _____ _ __   __ _  | |_ _____  _| |_
 / _` | '_ ` _ \ / _` |_  / | '_ \ / _` | | __/ _ \ \/ / __|
| (_| | | | | | | (_| |/ /| | | | | (_| | | ||  __/>  <| |_
 \__,_|_| |_| |_|\__,_/___|_|_| |_|\__, |  \__\___/_/\_\\__|
                                    __/ |
      nothing to see here.         |___/  please move along.

    _    __  __    _     ________ _   _  ____   _____ _______  _______
   / \  |  \/  |  / \   |__  /_ _| \ | |/ ___| |_   _| ____\ \/ /_   _|
  / _ \ | |\/| | / _ \    / / | ||  \| | |  _    | | |  _|  \  /  | |
 / ___ \| |  | |/ ___ \  / /_ | || |\  | |_| |   | | | |___ /  \  | |
/_/   \_\_|  |_/_/   \_\/____|___|_| \_|\____|   |_| |_____/_/\_\ |_|
               Brought to you by the modern miracle of the internets.